politeness

I was at a local grocery store recently, with about 12 items in my basket. There were two lanes open and the people in them had full carts. I glanced over at the self-checkout and then recalled seeing somewhere that it should be used for 10 items or less. Now this may not have given most people pause, but I’m a rigid rule follower, so I decided to wait in line. The clerk tending the self-service area then waved me over, setting me up at one of the stations. He asked if I had done the self-checkout before and I said yes, but he proceeded to take out my items, scan them, and bag them – at a pace much faster than I manage, as well. Within minutes I was on my way.

Sure, maybe he was just bored and wanted something do to. But he certainly could have ignored me standing in the line. He also could have walked away when I told him I had done the procedure before. I can’t tell you how much this relatively simple act of helpfulness buoyed my spirits. In a city where checkers sometimes don’t even make eye contact with customers – in fact, I’ve had them carry on a conversation with someone else while moving me through – a little bit of attention goes a long way.

But it’s not just store clerks, it’s people in general who seem to have lost the human touch. Ironically, with so many new ways to communicate, people seem more wrapped up in their own little worlds than ever. The simple act of holding a door for someone; moving to one side in a crowded aisle or on a crowded sidewalk; saying “Excuse me” or “Thank you,” seem to have gone the way of rotary phones and 8-track players. I’m not talking about such antiquated notions as men holding doors for women -- but on that subject, why can’t men and women hold doors for others? (One woman in my apartment building saw me heading toward the elevator after her, but got on and didn’t hold the door for the extra 10 seconds it took me to arrive. Was she really in that much of a hurry?) And going back to the store for a moment, it works both ways: try giving the clerk a smile and a “Hello.” Maybe you’ve had a long day or a bad morning, but maybe he or she has too.

It’s bad enough that we so often have to deal with computerized systems when we call “help” lines (and yes, I use that term loosely). Have we gotten so accustomed to maneuvering through the emotionless, unfeeling world of electronics and automation that we’re losing our ability to interact with humans?

There are definitely days that being nice is a struggle: I’m not saying I’m one of those people who always has a kind word for everyone, although I do my best to keep the unkind words in my head or at least under my breath. It’s not my nature to be confrontational. I was raised not only to not rock the boat but to not even stand up in it unless it was safely docked at the pier. So I don’t usually mind being the one to step aside when the two people coming toward me don’t want to break their conversation for one to slip behind the other for a few seconds. I’ll step aside to let the businessman in a big hurry get on the bus first. I bite my tongue and bide my time waiting for the cashier to finish her conversation before she waits on me. But when a simple act of kindness can make me feel a thrill, I have to wonder: When did it become the exception rather than the rule for people to be polite?

By the way, later that day I spoke with an actual person on one of those help lines. She managed to completely erase the warm feelings from the morning. But I said “thank you” when I hung up instead of the less gracious phrases that came to mind.

LH

new fall shows

First of all, a hearty welcome back to my favorites, most of which have hit the ground running. Following is a list of the new (scripted) shows I’ve checked out in this young season and a few comments about each.

Monday:
Accidentally on Purpose: I’ll be honest; the premise – an apparently smart, mature single woman ends up pregnant after one-night stand with younger man – didn’t appeal to me, but I thought I’d be fair and give it a try. After one laugh-free half-hour, I don’t ever want to see these people again. Cliched, unfunny characters and a chemistry-free main relationship make it a blot in the otherwise quality comedy bloc of Monday night (although I haven’t watched 2.5 Men for a few years).
Castle (sort of new): I’m a big Nathan Fillion fan, but I wasn’t thrilled with the premiere of this show last season. However, when they toned down Castle’s cockiness and gave some dimension to Beckett and the other characters, it quickly became a favorite. A nice mixture of mystery and humor, plus a compelling personal story for Detective Beckett, played with toughness and an underlying vulnerability by Stana Katic.

Tuesday:
The Forgotten: I felt as if I’d seen a lot of the characters before and heard some of the dialogue; however, I was drawn into the mystery. Fans of Cold Case will probably enjoy this well-acted drama, even if it doesn’t really offer anything new.
The Good Wife: This show could have been a grim melodrama about the poor, betrayed wife and her struggle as a single parent, but having her go back to practicing law adds the intriguing dimension of the court cases. A great cast, including the wonderful Christine Baranski, Chris Noth, and Julianna Margulies. I was drawn in almost immediately and really liked the fact that she lost the case in the second episode (although technically, they did get the bad guy.)

Wednesday:
Hank: Frasier, please come back! This unfunny show wastes the talents of Kelsey Grammer and Melinda McGraw. It felt like the actors were put together and given lines from old sitcoms to read off to each other. Zero chemistry among all the family members.
The Middle: Hard not to compare this to Malcolm in the Middle, with similarities including the title -- But it comes off favorably. Patricia Heaton is great as the harried mom, Neil Flynn just laid-back enough as her husband to provide a nice balance; only two of the kids seem intriguingly wacky, however. The youngest boy is very funny, and the awkward teen girl had me laughing as well as feeling sorry for her. The older teen boy hasn’t really developed yet, but I will definitely give this show another try.
Modern Family: Probably the most-hyped (and perhaps deservedly so) of ABC’s new comedy lineup. Sly humor and some solid casting kept me entertained and amused, if not belly laughing. Fans of the late great Arrested Development may find this to their liking.
Cougar Town: I wasn’t sure if I would like this or be offended by it, but I was pleasantly surprised. Mostly due to Courtney Cox, who brings not just humor but a sense of vulnerability to the role. The supporting cast does a great job as well, each of them having some good moments.
Glee: This show has me puzzled. On one hand, I like that it’s not something you can pigeonhole as a comedy or drama, but on the other hand, that makes it a bit schizophrenic in its tone. Parts of it work for me: the musical numbers in particular, performed by a very talented cast; but parts of it don’t work. A couple of characters are just not funny and/or necessary, and one of the plots belongs on a daytime drama, not on a show as otherwise original as this. Still, it brings me back every week, so it’s doing something right.

Thursday:
FlashForward: I enjoy a show that tries something different, that gives me something I haven’t seen dozens of times before (i.e., Lost, Buffy, X-Files...). The premise of FlashForward is unique – whether it’s worthy of 22 episodes remains to be seen. I didn’t fall in love with the show like I thought/hoped I would, although it’s definitely a gripping hour. My worry is that it’s going to take too much time to get into its mythology and viewers are going to lose patience. And of course with any high concept show, there’s always the fear that maybe there’s nothing behind the smoke and mirrors, either.
Community: This is probably my favorite new comedy. I’ll make the Arrested Development comparison again because that show had a nearly perfect mix of silliness and darkness, often skirting the edge of inappropriate. So does Community. With a lead character who’s not only a lawyer, but a self-absorbed, lazy, sarcastic lawyer to boot, you know you’re in for something different. A fine cast, including the delightful Chevy Chase, make this sly show a winner.

Did I immediately connect with anything this season? Not really. But sometimes it’s taken a while to develop a real favorite. So for now I’m just enjoying the new and welcoming back the familiar.

LH